{"id":35084,"date":"2020-09-18T07:11:10","date_gmt":"2020-09-18T14:11:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/?p=35084"},"modified":"2026-04-22T11:11:44","modified_gmt":"2026-04-22T18:11:44","slug":"learning-to-be-kind","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/nl\/2020\/09\/18\/learning-to-be-kind\/","title":{"rendered":"Learning to Be Kind to Myself"},"content":{"rendered":"
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When I first heard \u201cBe kind to yourself\u201d I thought, \u201cThat sounds right.\u201d Nice thought. But just agreeing didn\u2019t stop my habitual grinding pace at work. I was productive but tired and cranky. At day\u2019s end I could hardly wait to sink into the couch.<\/p>

The pattern had advantages: discipline in time management, crossing items off a list. I was willing to work hard on worthy service projects. \u201cTimes are tough, people are suffering. No time to rest!\u201d However well-intentioned my approach, it led to a bad case of burnout.<\/p>

Then, reading Dzogchen Ponlop\u2019s book, Emotionele redding<\/a>, I zeroed in on this guidance, so simple and direct:<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Kindness to myself wasn\u2019t just a nice idea. Even in tough times, why deprive myself of kindness? How could I help others if I drove myself so hard? A relentless work ethic didn\u2019t allow space for the heart to soften. To help others, I had to give kindness to myself first.<\/p>

I began taking breaks to relax. Looking out my home office window, I enjoyed a moment of spacious awareness. Trees waving in the wind, birds soaring across the sky.<\/p>

Occasionally I got up and moved around a while instead of cranking out a \u201cfew more minutes\u201d of work that might turn into hours. If I felt unwell I asked, \u201cWhat do I need?\u201d Food. Or a nap. Liberating! With a little kindness to myself, work stopped being a burden. Inspiration flowed.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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You Deserve Kindness \u2013 An Exercise<\/b><\/h2>

Only a couple of minutes of self-kindness can quickly shift our view from closed to open.<\/p>

  1. Sit up a little bit straighter. If you\u2019ve been slumping, let your back and neck stretch upward. Take a deep breath and relax.<\/li><\/ol>
    1. Pause. Notice the light of your own awareness. Rest a moment.<\/li><\/ol>
      1. Ask yourself, \u201cHow am I feeling?\u201d Wait for the answer. \u201cI feel like this is silly\u201d doesn\u2019t count! The answer could be \u201cI feel tired and a bit bored\u201d or \u201cI feel curious and interested.\u201d <\/li><\/ol>
        1. Now ask yourself, \u201cWhat do I need right now?\u201d Needs are universal \u2013 food, rest, respect, love, and the like. Listen for the real answer.<\/li><\/ol>
          1. When you discover your need, give yourself empathy: \u201cOf course you need that. Everyone does!\u201d Add a smile of encouragement. <\/li><\/ol>
            1. Now ask, \u201cWhat could I give myself that would help fill this need?\u201d Think of something you can give yourself right now. (Not \u201ca million dollars.\u201d) Simple gestures are surprisingly nourishing: a self-pat on the back, a cup of tea, a short walk, or a few words of self-appreciation. <\/li><\/ol>
              1. Enjoy this self-nourishment. Enjoy the positive feelings that come with giving yourself appreciation and support. Wish for everyone to have this positive feeling. <\/li><\/ol>\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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                \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\"Ceci\n\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t
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                \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\tCeci Miller\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
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                Ceci Miller has been a student of Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche since 2009. She is a book editor and author. Through CeciBooks publishing consultancy, she helps authors and experts develop their work and expand its beneficial impact. A mother and grandmother, Ceci lives with her husband in Seattle, Washington.\u200b<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

                When I first heard \u201cBe kind to yourself\u201d I thought, \u201cThat sounds right.\u201d But just agreeing didn\u2019t stop my habitual grinding pace at work.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":42,"featured_media":35108,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[3009],"tags":[3404,3411,3408,3410],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nLearning to Be Kind to Myself - Nalandabodhi International<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When I first heard \u201cBe kind to yourself\u201d I thought, \u201cThat sounds right.\u201d But just agreeing didn\u2019t stop my habitual grinding pace at work.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/nl\/2020\/09\/18\/learning-to-be-kind\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"nl_NL\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Learning to Be Kind to Myself - 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