{"id":35715,"date":"2020-10-30T06:12:00","date_gmt":"2020-10-30T13:12:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/?p=35715"},"modified":"2026-04-22T11:09:01","modified_gmt":"2026-04-22T18:09:01","slug":"conquering-the-kitchen-monster","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/nl\/2020\/10\/30\/conquering-the-kitchen-monster\/","title":{"rendered":"Conquering the Kitchen Monster"},"content":{"rendered":"
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At difficult times the appropriate Buddhist lesson often arises. Or is it the other way around \u2013 we hear a Buddhist teaching and life presents an opportunity to put it into practice? In my case, mind training showed up together with a challenging situation.<\/p>

A new roommate had moved into the house. She seemed nice and pleasant. We shared a kitchen that was separated from my bedroom by a thin wall. I soon learned she enjoyed cooking, quite vivaciously and noisily, at six o\u00b4clock in the morning.<\/p>

I worked late hours. Six was not a good time for me to wake up. \u201cNo problem,\u201d I thought, \u201cI\u00b4ll talk to her and we\u2019ll find a solution.\u201d But no. She told me rather harshly I would have to get used to her cooking habits and not be hypersensitive!<\/p>

The conflict began. I woke up every morning, after a few hours\u2019 sleep, to the banging of pots, the sizzling of hot oil, and (the worst part) her singing. Every day I grew more desperate and angry. She got more irritated and aggressive about my complaints, in turn. The atmosphere in the house \u2013 tense.<\/p>

The emotions I was feeling toward this woman came close to what I consider as \u201chate.\u201d Inwardly, I began calling her the \u201ckitchen monster.\u201d<\/p>

About that same time, I started a beginning course in mind training at a local Buddhist center: \u201cChanging adverse conditions into positive ones.\u201d In my seemingly hopeless situation, that sounded good. With each new class, I began trying to immediately implement that wisdom in my daily meditation.<\/p>

But it didn\u2019t work. For quite a few sessions I sat on the cushion feeling that this was a mission impossible. After all, she <\/em>was the one causing the problem. She<\/em> should change! ik<\/em> was the one in the right; clearly ik <\/em>was the victim. I continued the mind training practice more out of desperation than conviction. But after a while, something began to change in my meditations. I opened up and saw things differently. I began:<\/p>

  • recognizing that mental afflictions were causing her to act as she did<\/li>
  • focusing on her positive qualities (yes, she had some!)<\/li>
  • trying to see her through the eyes of somebody who loved her<\/li>
  • feeling the harm I did to myself by getting so angry<\/li>
  • developing gratitude for the opportunity to practice in a real situation in my daily life.<\/li><\/ul>

    It took me weeks, and lots of resistance, to overcome my negative feelings about her. After some time, I realized I was no longer so focused on a change in the outer situation. Instead, I was excited about the inner changes I could feel evolving.<\/p>

    As you may have guessed, without changing my conduct towards my kitchen monster, something shifted. The tension lessened. The noise from the kitchen decreased. Even when it was noisy, I slept longer in spite of it.<\/p>

    One day we exchanged a shy smile and started to speak again.<\/p>

    We shared the house for a few more years after that, not becoming the best of friends, but living together in a respectful and rather harmonious atmosphere.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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    \n\t\t\t\t\t\"Monika\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t
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    \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\tMonika Sandmeier \t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
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    Monika Sandmeier is retired and lives in Germany. An enthusiastic and experienced traveler, she has been a student of Ponlop Rinpoche and a Nalandabodhi member since 2012. <\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Studying Buddhist mind training helps the author resolve conflict and get along with a new housemate <\/p>","protected":false},"author":93,"featured_media":36090,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[3009],"tags":[3414,3418,3417],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nConquering the Kitchen Monster - Nalandabodhi International<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Studying Buddhist mind training helps the author resolve conflict and get along with a new housemate\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/nl\/2020\/10\/30\/conquering-the-kitchen-monster\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"nl_NL\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Conquering the Kitchen Monster - 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