{"id":39123,"date":"2021-04-30T01:30:00","date_gmt":"2021-04-30T08:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/?p=39123"},"modified":"2026-04-22T09:41:39","modified_gmt":"2026-04-22T16:41:39","slug":"its-not-about-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/nl\/2021\/04\/30\/its-not-about-you\/","title":{"rendered":"It’s not about you"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Have you ever noticed that the people in your life have different opinions and viewpoints about you? If the \u201cself\u201d or \u201cI\u201d were solid, then how would that be possible? People\u2019s views are merely their own projections, and no two people see things in exactly the same way.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>

I can now laugh when I remember all those times in my dating life when someone would break up with me saying, \u201cIt\u2019s not about you; it\u2019s me.\u201d It used to be really painful to hear this, thinking that something must be wrong with me. What makes me laugh now is that I\u2019ve come to realize that what they said is really true! It\u2019s not \u201cme\u201d those guys were breaking up with; rather, it was their projections about who they thought I was.<\/p>

This concept has been extremely helpful for me in my personal and professional relationships. I\u2019ve learned that when I am able to get my ego out of the way, I can actually hear what another person is saying or requesting, without the need to defend myself.<\/p>

For example, when someone criticizes something I did, my habitual tendency, when I\u2019m not mindful, is to immediately defend myself. At those times, when I\u2019m not mindful, my ego rears its head, and I don’t hear the request underlying the criticism. Through mindfulness and discipline, I am now able to let go of my knee-jerk reaction to protect my ego \u2026 at least most of the time.<\/p>

One of the best tools I have found for letting go of the tendency to defend my ego is to slow down and feel the body sensations connected with my emotional response to what I perceive as criticism or judgment. For me, it\u2019s a clenching in my stomach and jaw, and fluttering in my heart.\u00a0 When I am able to slow down without immediately reacting, I take a breath and ask myself what those body sensations are telling me. My body often tells me at those times that I\u2019m feeling hurt and misunderstood.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Praktijk<\/h2>

Here\u2019s a simple practice for working with difficult emotions that arise when you feel judged or criticized:<\/p>