{"id":41520,"date":"2021-07-16T01:00:00","date_gmt":"2021-07-16T08:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/?p=41520"},"modified":"2021-07-16T01:00:00","modified_gmt":"2021-07-16T08:00:00","slug":"the-art-of-mindful-listening","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/nl\/2021\/07\/16\/the-art-of-mindful-listening\/","title":{"rendered":"The art of mindful listening"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t

We may think listening is easy, but true listening requires openness and courage.\u00a0 Listening is about connection and validation. When we feel heard, we feel cared for and understood, just as we are. As my teacher Ponlop Rinpoche says in his book, Emotional Rescue, <\/i>\u201cYou must listen from your heart, the way you listen to music. And when you listen in this way, there\u2019s an openness that allows for the merging of two minds, or two hearts, into one.\u201d<\/p>

Mindful listening helps us stay open to another\u2019s expression of intense emotions. It\u2019s not about giving advice, trying to fix the situation or agreeing with the speaker. What is most needed is to listen compassionately and to take our egos out of the equation. For example, instead of saying, \u201cI know just how you feel,\u201d you might instead say something like, \u201cThat sounds so difficult. Tell me more.\u201d\u00a0 Notice how different the two responses feel.<\/p>

It\u2019s easy to be triggered when listening to another\u2019s experience. Out of our own anxiety, we may say something unhelpful or damaging. Instead of responding right away, take a breath and stay present, rather than just reacting.\u00a0<\/p>

Understanding our habitual reactions when trying to listen is key to being a helpful listener. I have noticed my own tendencies to defend myself or give advice. Becoming aware of my kneejerk responses of \u201cthat\u2019s not true\u201d or \u201cmaybe you should\u2026\u201d has definitely helped!<\/p>

Another kneejerk reaction is interrupting with a meaningless question. For example, when I was working as a new grief counselor with a woman describing her pain after her son\u2019s unexpected death, I interrupted with the question, \u201cHow old was your son?\u201d My anxiety prevented me from hearing the emotional tone, and my mindless question broke our emotional connection in that moment.\u00a0<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t

Praktijk<\/h2>

Here are some suggestions for mindful listening:\u00a0<\/p>