{"id":42607,"date":"2021-10-22T07:00:00","date_gmt":"2021-10-22T14:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/?p=42607"},"modified":"2026-04-22T09:33:53","modified_gmt":"2026-04-22T16:33:53","slug":"what-i-do-when-its-not-my-turn-to-talk","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/nl\/2021\/10\/22\/what-i-do-when-its-not-my-turn-to-talk\/","title":{"rendered":"What I Do When It\u2019s Not My Turn to Talk"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Recently my spouse and I were interviewed on Zoom. I glanced around to find the best place to look. At my partner\u2019s face as he spoke? At the interviewer\u2019s face? At my own face \u2014 no! This kind of looking was a big distraction from simply seeing.<\/p>

Soon I quit focusing on where to look and got engaged in our conversation \u2014 the words and sounds, the flavors of enthusiasm as ideas formed, the ebb and flow of shared thoughts and responses creating enjoyable connections.\u00a0<\/p>

The interviewer\u2019s skill sparked a lively exchange. My husband introduced the thread of a new idea, and right away, a related idea popped into my mind. I felt a surge of energy and a wish to speak. But it wasn\u2019t my turn! I took a breath and relaxed my shoulders. No rush. There\u2019s plenty of time.\u00a0<\/p>

At those not-my-turn moments in a conversation, I use a method for letting go of \u201cmy\u201d idea so that I can continue listening with openness. I put a \u201cbracket\u201d around the idea. . .\u00a0<\/p>

[ Here is the thought, sitting quietly in my mind. ]<\/p>

. . . and then I go back to listening to the person who\u2019s speaking: At this point my smart, funny partner had formed a fascinating shape with his hands to illustrate his idea. I nodded and smiled. I agreed with his point, but more importantly, I realized this fun expansion on his original thought would not have had the space to come forth if I had interjected my own idea instead of bracketing it.<\/p>

Bracketing, I\u2019ve found, is a helpful alternative to jumping in abruptly to make my point \u2013\u2013 a pattern that hasn’t served me in the past. As my teacher Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche says, \u201cYou have to let it come to let it go.\u201d Bracketing lets me \u201chold that thought\u201d even as I loosen my grip on it. It\u2019s my favorite listening technique. It feels good for the same reason that sharing feels better than shoving.\u00a0<\/p>

Nothing is lost or wasted when I tuck away that idea for later. In fact, once a gap of silence opens up to share it, I often find there\u2019s no longer any need. Pausing for a few beats, I do a quick check: Is that bracketed thought still useful \u2013\u2013 will it clarify or add to what has already been said? If not, I don\u2019t share it. It\u2019s easy to let it go, and the bracket along with it.<\/p>

And yet I\u2019ve still made a helpful contribution to the discussion. I\u2019ve offered spaciousness and relaxation. By practicing a little bit of patience, by not hopping into that gap of silence, I\u2019ve left an opening for the speaker to clarify what they were saying. In that opening, if I keep listening, I often learn something!\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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\n\t\t\t\t\t\"Ceci\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t
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\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\tCeci Miller\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
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Ceci Miller has been a student of Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche since 2009. She is a book editor and author. Through CeciBooks publishing consultancy, she helps authors and experts develop their work and expand its beneficial impact. A mother and grandmother, Ceci lives with her husband in Seattle, Washington.\u200b<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The author shares a favorite listening technique and its surprising benefits.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":95,"featured_media":45015,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[3009],"tags":[3418,3405,3402],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhat I Do When It\u2019s Not My Turn to Talk - Nalandabodhi International<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The author shares a favorite listening technique and its surprising benefits.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/nl\/2021\/10\/22\/what-i-do-when-its-not-my-turn-to-talk\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"nl_NL\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"What I Do When It\u2019s Not My Turn to Talk - Nalandabodhi International\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The author shares a favorite listening technique and its surprising benefits.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/nl\/2021\/10\/22\/what-i-do-when-its-not-my-turn-to-talk\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Nalandabodhi International\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-10-22T14:00:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2026-04-22T16:33:53+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/article_102221.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1120\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"630\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"nirzhar\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Geschreven door\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"nirzhar\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Geschatte leestijd\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minuten\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/2021\/10\/22\/what-i-do-when-its-not-my-turn-to-talk\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/2021\/10\/22\/what-i-do-when-its-not-my-turn-to-talk\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"nirzhar\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/fr\/#\/schema\/person\/04fb4e02c44508b9cf0276b6cc3bf56d\"},\"headline\":\"What I Do When It\u2019s Not My Turn to Talk\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-10-22T14:00:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-04-22T16:33:53+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/2021\/10\/22\/what-i-do-when-its-not-my-turn-to-talk\/\"},\"wordCount\":489,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/fr\/#organization\"},\"keywords\":[\"impermanence\",\"relationships\",\"teacher-student relationship\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Articles\"],\"inLanguage\":\"nl\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/2021\/10\/22\/what-i-do-when-its-not-my-turn-to-talk\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/2021\/10\/22\/what-i-do-when-its-not-my-turn-to-talk\/\",\"name\":\"What I Do When It\u2019s Not My Turn to Talk - 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