{"id":43826,"date":"2021-09-24T01:34:44","date_gmt":"2021-09-24T08:34:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/?p=43826"},"modified":"2026-04-22T09:35:06","modified_gmt":"2026-04-22T16:35:06","slug":"take-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/nl\/2021\/09\/24\/take-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Take 2"},"content":{"rendered":"
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My mom has trouble remembering. It\u2019s a disease, progressing. She can ask or say the same thing seven or eight times in a brief conversation. This makes me sad sometimes, and the future impact of this disease may bring more grief. For now, I hang out mostly in acceptance\u2014and gratitude for all that makes my mother\u2019s predicament workable, both emotionally and materially.

Conversations with my mom make me feel like a movie actor with multiple opportunities to play the same scene. I try to be patient and kind and relaxed in these exchanges, but I sometimes fall short. I feel exasperated with her repetitions and let it show. Or I\u2019m disappointed with her resistance today to a suggestion she embraced yesterday, and I raise my voice. The process of memory loss (and the process of witnessing it) can seem cruel. There is, though, surprising mercy in the opportunity for a retake. In my dealings with others, I\u2019m trying to be someone who\u2019s not quite me\u2014a version that\u2019s unselfish, utterly unbiased, generous, and free. It often feels like I\u2019m playing against type. Would the people who know me best cast me in this role?\u00a0

What a help, then, that I can redo some scenes. Was there a little edge in my voice when my mother asked (again) if I\u2019d eaten? I let go of shame and guilt, and I set my intention anew: next time when she asks, I\u2019m going to relax before I answer. My tone of voice will reflect my awareness of her wish to feed me, to care for me, as she did tirelessly when I was little. This time, I\u2019ll play the scene as a daughter who appreciates her mother\u2019s care and can patiently answer. Or maybe I\u2019ll be the daughter who doesn\u2019t even need<\/i> to develop patience, who is present to the freshness of each exchange.\u00a0<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Exercise\/Meditation\/Ejercicio<\/h2>

When you know you\u2019ll be spending time with someone who might rile you, bore you, disappoint you, or exhaust you, consider this approach:\u00a0<\/p>

  • The way you typically react, the way you usually interact, in such scenes is Take 1.<\/li>
  • Imagine you\u2019re working with a director who\u2019s really into improvisation. Consider your next encounter as Take 2.\u00a0Could there be another way to play this scene? (\u201dPlay\u201d not in the sense of being fake, but in the sense of being open, curious, creative.)<\/li>
  • For Take 2, can you try on a new attitude, embody a new feeling, speak new words? Can you be a kid trying on a parent\u2019s clothing, both playful and heartfelt?<\/li>
  • The adjustments made by actors are often quite subtle and internal. Maybe all you\u2019ll do differently is pause for a second or two before responding. Maybe you\u2019ll open your hands or arms as you speak. Maybe you\u2019ll think to yourself, I love this person!<\/li>
  • A subtle change may get you a shade closer to who you aspire to be. And there\u2019s always Take 3. Action!<\/li><\/ul>\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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    \n\t\t\t\t\t\"Ellen\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t
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    \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\tEllen Balz\u00e9\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
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    A student of Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche since 2015, clinical psychologist Ellen Balz\u00e9 began working with the core Path of Mindful Activity team in 2018. Collaborating with other Nalandabodhi members on various projects has created precious opportunities for her to pause, relax, and reflect. She enjoys baking bread and caring for succulents.<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Responding to a parent with memory loss, the author discovers in her reactivity the opportunity for a retake, and recommends an actor\u2019s way of approaching such second chances.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":95,"featured_media":43847,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[3009],"tags":[3412,3414,3418,3417],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nTake 2 - Nalandabodhi International<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Responding to a parent with memory loss, the author discovers in her reactivity the opportunity for a retake, and recommends an actor\u2019s way of approaching such second chances.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/nalandabodhi.org\/nl\/2021\/09\/24\/take-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"nl_NL\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Take 2 - 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