I do remember that I had many moments in which I felt alone. Not that I had no friends. In fact, I had many friends and my mem often tells me how joyful I was in my childhood. She used to sit on my bed, stroking my back as I was falling asleep. At least, I pretended. I always looked so content and smiled in those moments according to my mother. I can still feel the warmth and happiness myself. 

Still, something was out of place. There was an inner world that I seemed incapable to talk about with others. Though it surprises many people till this very day, I have always been more introvert. What contributed to this, I guess, is that I was not taught to express my feelings & emotions. Or there was simply no place for that. And though the family of my mother was very loving and warm, and I found great joy in all the days spent with my grandparents, we did certainly not speak about inner struggles. That included my brothers, despite the fact that we often played more board games and so on with each other than with our friends. Or, we all joined in with a football game on the playing field next to our house.

Later in life I did become aware that our parents raised us somewhat differently than what was considered ‘normal’ in our village. Something that was reflected in the friends they had and their children that became our friends. Some might say we belonged to an ‘elite’ or had such a view on the world. I am not sure. Some of my parents’ friends were perhaps among the higher educated and had different jobs than many others in the countryside. Combined with the many holidays to foreign places, including daring adventures like climbing snowy mountains, rafting on wild rivers and staying at bed & breakfasts, that could explain why we became perhaps open minded and looking for more beyond the borders of our familiar world. 

At the same time, several of my uncles & aunts were farmers. Just like my maternal grandparents had been in the past, and like some of the parents’ of my friends from school were those days. I loved spending time with my grandfather in the garden and going to a friend for horse-riding. Although I have lived more years in big cities by now, walking or biking through the countryside gives me a lot of joy. And returning to ‘our’ province Fryslân (Frisian name for ‘Friesland’) every now and again continues to feel like home. 

Going to church might certainly have contributed to an interest in a possible deeper meaning of life and questions about ‘good’ and ‘evil’. However, we stopped doing this when my father left and we all lived in another village about 17 kilometers away with our mother. For her, she told me later, it was also more important that we were familiar with Catholicism, which was an important part of family of her, my mem’s five brothers and ‘the’ family in its entirety. My brothers and I all have been ‘servants’ and part of the youth choir. Whether we wanted to believe, was something we needed to decide for ourselves. 

I knew for my father this was different. He had been a devout Catholic, studied theology next to running his own business as a driving instructor. He continued to be a strong believer after the divorce with my mother, though he converted and is nowadays a protestant. 

Whether it was because of religion, a particular view on life, personal characters or everything combined, I do recall that on Sundays the entire family of my mom gathered at my grandparents’ home. Though as kids, including all my cousins, we often played either upstairs or outside, I am aware that – as being among the older grandchildren – me and my brothers often sat with the adults too. While remaining silent and having tea with cookies, I listened to the political debates and other big issues they discussed together. I can hardly imagine this not to have an impact on a child growing up. 

Once I went to secondary school, I was also more interested in subjects related to the humanities than any other. Though me and my brothers did well at school in general, supported by our parents that made sure we had a good education. Which also meant that we all went to a secondary school further away from home than many of our friends from primary school. At the time that school was in ‘the big city’ Snits (Frisian for ‘Sneek’), though I would now say it is more a big town (it has about 34.000 inhabitants today, probably less back then). 

There is one more thing that strongly shaped my life as a child and adolescent: the world of sports. Like my brothers I played tennis, volleyball and football. Whether for training or in our free-time one could often find us on the playing field. Besides this, I learned ice-skating as well, something we did on natural ice during winter often, and loved to go running for long distances already as a kid. In my case, I also continued with gymnastics, which only came to an end because of a change of teacher and once I moved away from the town where I was born. 

With my father we often watched football matches, sometimes on a big screen in a pub in our village. And we could always find our mom in the sportshall or at the tennisclub, whether we needed to play a match ourselves or not. One can easily see how this led me to study Sportsmarketing & Management. 

Yet, it was also during my early days as a student that I started to keep a diary. I wrote every day. Often before I went to sleep. These diaries are perhaps the most precious among the few things I still possess. They have been stored safely in the house of my mom & stepfather. Perhaps someday I will re-read all of them and see what I can learn about this period in my life. Though I remember clearly how, other than many of my fellow students, followed the news, had subscriptions to various magazines, became concerned about the health of our planet and especially the suffering we caused to animals (and, thus, soon became vegetarian). 

Reading Sophie’s world made me want to study and teach philosophy. I thought something like ‘How can one possibly not think about these questions? Philosophy is the way to develop a happier life and make our world a better place for everyone.’ Besides this, I recall clearly that I read about Tibet. The political situation made me feel sad and there was something about the pictures of the Himalayas and young Tibetan-Buddhist monks that gave me a sense of home. Why? Past lives, karma, Buddhists might say. My friends that follow one of the Abrahamic faiths, will argue it is God’s plan and destiny. Who knows. I certainly do not.