In the months following my serious fall and its traumatic aftermath, it was difficult for me to stay present. I found myself repeatedly going over the events in the past that led to my fall, trying to make sense of it all. I also found myself worrying about the future: Will I need another surgery? Will I ever regain more function and experience less pain? Although I knew that these thoughts of the past and future are futile, it was a challenge to let them go and be in the present moment, moment by moment.
When images of my fall and everything that ensued arose, I was thrown back to the past and relived the physical and emotional pain. Now, after making considerable progress in recovering from my trauma, when those images come up, I can feel them in the present moment, breathe into them, and let them go. What a gift!
Thoughts about the future have also been challenging. I could ruminate about what the future holds until the cows come home, but that doesn’t help at all. As the Dalai Lama has said, “If a problem is fixable, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying.” Remembering these wise words has helped me breathe into and then let go of my fears. What a relief!
Buddhist teachings often talk about going beyond hope and fear. This requires allowing ourselves to be in a state of not knowing, to embrace groundlessness, moment by moment. Author and leadership consultant Margaret Wheatley describes this beautifully:
All fear (and hope) arises from looking backward or forward. The present moment is the only place of clear seeing unclouded by hope or fear….Of course, trying to be present when everything around you is crashing down is not easy….Yet only in the present moment, free from hope and fear, do we receive the gifts of clarity and resolve. —M. Wheatley, “Beyond Hope and Fear,” Lion’s Roar, February 2009
The present is indeed a gift.
Contemplation
This is an exercise you can do any time, even for a few moments, to return to your present experience.
- As soon as you notice that you are stuck in thoughts of the past or future, take a breath.
- Feel your feet on the earth, bringing you back to the present moment.
- Turn your attention to an object in your field of awareness.
- Experience that object with all of your senses open. We often rely on our sense of sight. See if you can bring other senses to your experience of the object: smell, sound, taste, touch.
- When your attention wanders, come back to the object and your experience of it.
Beth Patterson is a psychotherapist specializing in grief, loss and life transitions. In her work, Beth relies on Buddhist psychology, mindfulness based cognitive therapy and body-centered therapies. Her articles and ebook are available at www.bethspatterson.com. Beth is a longtime Buddhist practitioner and a student of Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche.
