One of the most effective things we can do when we see the gathering storm of our habitual tendencies is the practice of pausing, or creating a gap. We stop and take three conscious breaths, and the world has a chance to open up to us in that gap. We allow space into our state of mind. Meditation practice itself is a way to create gaps.
Recently, I experienced several exhausting work days in a row that involved a tedious amount of fact-finding and putting “puzzle pieces” together to justify organizational expenses. This work was necessary in order to receive a significant COVID-19 Relief grant from a government agency. It was not the kind of fundraising activity that I “normally” do. These times are different, and millions of individuals are doing things they don’t “normally” do for work, in life, in general.
My frustration arose from how difficult the process was. It seemed unnecessarily complex, convoluted, and confusing. Just when I thought I had figured everything out, carefully documented the expenses, and double-checked that I had all the right paperwork, the numbers didn’t add up to the correct total. Argh! Back to the drawing board!
Life presents us with all kinds of challenges on a regular basis. Flat tires, lost glasses, unemployment, unexpected illness, the death of a human or animal loved one, more expenses than income, disagreements, taxes, a paper cut, a broken dish, a broken promise. It is impossible to stop these things from happening to us no matter our age, race, gender identity, finances, health, or position in life. The Buddha called this situation The Truth of Suffering. Suffering is inescapable.
If you are still reading this, thank you. You are heroic. You are not running away from suffering, perhaps because it is not your own. Perhaps, you are curious about it. I’m writing about suffering because it is a constant in life, and it matters how I choose to respond to it. Do I curl up in a ball and cry? Sometimes. Do I escape into a TV show or movie? Perhaps. Do I call a trusted friend and ask for advice? Often. Can I find something that will make me laugh? Yes!
Sometimes, I close my eyes, take a deep breath, exhale, and just pause for a moment. I have gratitude for the present moment. I am grateful to have a job. I am grateful to have challenges to meet. I am glad that I persevered and finished my financial documentation challenge. I am willing to face the next moment not knowing what will come next. I am fine with that. I can handle it. I know how to pause and interrupt my patterns of suffering. Hooray! What a relief!
Exercise
- The next time you notice you are suffering from a negative thought pattern, pause. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Repeat. This helps to interrupt the thought pattern, before it perpetuates itself by creating negative stories about whatever is upsetting us.
- When feeling tense, take a moment to see if you can identify where in your body the tension is located. Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Imagine that you are letting go, relaxing, releasing that tension. If it helps to gently move your body, do so.
- Locate some “go to” images, quotes, or music that make you smile. Know where to easily access them when needed. Enjoy whatever amount of relief you can feel!
Lynne Conrad Marvet met Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche in 1988 in Woodstock, New York and has studied Buddhism with him since then. In April 2019 she was the Artist-in-Residence at Nalanda West. See her work on her website.
