Work is a never-ending task, and the only way to find relief is to decide to walk away from it. When I do decide to take a break, even for an hour, a small voice in my head says, “I’m being lazy,” and lazy is a word with which I don’t like to be associated. So, even when I relax, I must “do”: read, knit, garden, hike, play with the cat, draw, meditate … yes, I can even make “sitting on the cushion and doing nothing” something.
It wasn’t until recently, when I was sitting on the beach, watching the waves, that I realized I had been relaxing all wrong.
I told my husband at the beginning of the week that we were taking Friday off to make our 3-day weekend a 4-day weekend, and he and I were going to Crystal Cove Beach for the day. I bought one of those pop-up shade tents, so the sun’s heat wouldn’t chase us away. I packed our provisions with ice and filled a gallon of water. This was serious relaxation. It required planning.
We walked along the beach for a while, choosing an empty spot at the far end, where the sand meets the cliffs. We enjoyed the morning, talking and munching, watching the overcast “June gloom” dissipate into fluffy white clouds, the sun turn the ocean’s dark blue into a beautiful turquoise. He then wrapped his body around me and fell asleep. I was sitting up, my phone well out of reach. I didn’t want to move and possibly disturb him. So, I just relaxed and watched the waves.
About half an hour later, a black dolphin’s back peeked out of the ocean’s surface and broke my concentration. I realized at that moment that I had been naturally meditating. Not, “Now I will meditate for 30 minutes, and set a timer.” But rather, just relaxing into the moment, being aware of my breath, the breeze, the sound of the ocean, the dance of light on the water’s surface. Not trying. Relaxing.
And I chuckled at myself as I realized I finally understood the three-word teaching of my teacher, Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche: “Relax, relax, relax.”
As I relaxed back into the rhythm of breath and waves, I realized the importance of complete relaxation — that letting go of the need to do was not laziness, but a necessity.
This was such a magical moment that I realized I must take note of what I did differently that allowed me to relax. If you are like me and always need to do, then I hope you find this little recipe for relaxation helpful. May it bring you happy-lazy-relaxation!
Giving yourself permission to “Relax, relax, relax.”
- Get Away from Doing: If you find yourself always doing, or feeling guilty that you’re not doing, then get out of the house and go somewhere quiet, where you can sit and relax.
- Privacy: I found the sun tent provided a lot of privacy; that also helped me to relax. Hence the quiet spot, but if you can’t find complete quiet, then bring some way to create your own private space.
- Leave the Distractions at Home: Or at least out of reach. Don’t bring the book, your knitting or have your phone in your pocket.
- Time: Allow yourself to let go of time. Give yourself enough time that you can get lost in doing nothing without a time frame. Bring food and water so there’s no need to get up and go do.
- Just Sit: Bring in gentle awareness to each sensation. Begin focusing on one sensation, then start adding another, one at a time: hearing, touch, taste, feeling and sight. Do not have expectations of yourself or the moment. Just allow awareness to rest with you.
- Relax, relax, relax.
Rachel Pradhan has been a student of Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche since 1997, working on becoming a more open-hearted and open-minded being. Her career is in marketing, while her at-home life revolves around meditation and family, gardening, hiking, reading, and cooking. She lives in Southern California with her husband and their two sons.
