Connecting Through Loving Kindness
Reflecting on loving kindness, or just kindness, or just love, raises questions. Is love a singular feeling? Does it change over time? Is it felt equally by different people? It is a good practice to look at love. Love can be kind, pragmatic, altruistic, fun, friendly, companionable, and also unhealthy. What is gentle love, kind love? What is loving kindness?
We have learned to love in social and cultural ways. Often, we seek what resembles us. In groups or in the larger society, we look for what is familiar or similar to us. We experience various sensations and call it love. Much of the time, we cling to what we love. Love as attachment. We want something from those we love. Love as transaction.
What Are Genuine Kindness and Genuine Love?
When we look for examples, there are many role models, including Mother Teresa of Calcutta. She was utterly devoted to others with no thoughts of herself. Our precious teacher, Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche, is another shining example of loving kindness.
As I think about it, experiencing feelings of affection, rejoicing in the happiness of others, and having aversion to the suffering of beings are experiences of genuine kindness and genuine love. I’m not Mother Teresa or Ponlop Rinpoche, but when I consider the well-being of sentient beings, my self-regard is of no importance. When I think lightly, like a child who has not yet consolidated their concepts, I can see others without barriers. I can appreciate them solely for their existence. We must regain this lightness and learn to love like a child or a devoted mother.
Kindness Is Natural
If we discard our concepts about love, kindness arises naturally. Love is a feeling, an activity, and a practice. If we have patience, we have love; if we have compassion, we have love; if we have empathy, we have love; if we have generosity, we have love. And when we have wisdom, genuine kindness will arise.
Through this reflection on love and kindness, I learned that my concepts and standards serve as armor for the ego, and as a result I do not always experience or express genuine kindness. I learned that I need to expand my mind, so that I can see with the heart, releasing my attachment to ego and identity. I learned that genuine love is beyond the concepts of ethics and morals, beyond good and evil, and I also learned that if I do not want suffering, I must practice loving kindness with all my strength.
If all of us live and act with love, compassion, generosity, and wisdom, we will express genuine kindness toward every being. If we stop being attached to our concepts about love, we can truly experience deep loving kindness toward ourself and the world.
Contemplative Practice
- Sit in a comfortable place, and feel your body. Notice all the nuances of sensations, perceptions, and physical pains. Be present.
- Relax your body and focus on your breathing. Feel the air flowing from your mouth and nose, throughout your body, and returning to your mouth and nose. Sometimes, you’ll experience warmth from this movement.
- Allow the warmth to soothe your physical and emotional pain. Feel the lightness in your body.
- Take advantage of this moment of mindfulness to notice any shifts in your state of consciousness. Let loving kindness toward yourself and all beings flow through you.
- Cultivate this state of clarity for as long as you can.
Sebastião Miranda began his Buddhist practice through a study group on Tibetan Mahayana Buddhism. He had his first contact with the teachings of Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche when Rinpoche visited Brazil in 2019. Since then, Sebá has been a member of Nalandabodhi Brazil. He is a consultant in energy efficiency projects; lives with his wife and their five dogs in the countryside of Brazil on a little farm; and is devoted to dharma.
